I'm writing this on a Monday, when all around the world people are protesting, fighting Covid-19, trying to make sense of recent events, and some are simply surviving. I hold all of you in my heart as I know we are the midst of a necessary shift and it is messy but worth it.
I'm trying something new… Will you join me? I've chosen the theme Deeper Connection Challenge because in these challenging times it's even more important to be curious, and not make assumptions about what's true, and not judge people for their actions. Now more than ever it's a time for us to be good listeners and be there for each other.
I'm trying something new… Will you join me? I've chosen the theme Deeper Connection Challenge because in these challenging times it's even more important to be curious, and not make assumptions about what's true, and not judge people for their actions. Now more than ever it's a time for us to be good listeners and be there for each other.
Breaking free from an identity we’ve claimed or been given is an act of courage. And courage requires choice. In the Podcast, Dan explores what Redefining oneself means to a broad range of brilliant and interesting guests whose stories are not merely entertaining but also incredibly inspiring. So how did Jen and I make the cut? Well, asking questions is what we do, and what we train people to do.
I’ve been surfing for many years, but not consistently as I’ve never lived close to a surfing beach, and I’ve never had anything beyond a beginner lesson. I’ve been feeling a lot like someone who’s been skiing their whole life but can only do blue runs, with the occasional black run thrown in there (with VERY mixed results!). And I want to be better, so I keep going out, every chance I get. I get some good, fun rides, but I had plateaued.
One day recently I was out surfing, and though there were plenty of waves I wasn’t catching any. Sure, it was kind of choppy and windy but some other people were catching waves. Why wasn’t I?
Healing. Trauma comes in so many forms; physical injury, emotional injury, loss, and on and on. And all trauma requires healing in order for us to move forward in a real, positive way.
I have experienced many forms of trauma, much of it physical due to crashes on my bike, skis, and even my car. I have also experienced my share of emotional trauma and loss, and it is teaching me a great deal.
So often we set lofty goals for ourselves, like “I’m going to the gym every day this week!” or “I’m going to write for 2 hours every day!” And that can be okay, except that often, when we falter or miss a day we feel like we’ve failed and we give up completely.
Sometimes all it takes is a tiny step to create a big change. I call these micro-actions.
We spend a good part of our lives making assumptions, and we need to or we would never get anything done. It’s when we unconsciously make assumptions about other people’s behaviour that we get in our own way.
Assumptions run us and until we can identify them we think they are the truth, and those “truths” generally limit us and keep us boxed in (keep us from curiosity). Because our assumptions about other people are often negative, it is difficult to “create from” situations when we operate on assumptions, we tend to “react to” them instead. Assumptions generally operate in the background (our subconscious) and we often don’t know we are making them.
We can’t get through this life on our own. Think of the people who have helped you get where you are today…you know the saying “it takes a village”? Well, it’s true. And that village is made up of all kinds of creatures…not merely humans. And they all play different roles; friend, parent, teammate, co-worker, partner, etc. But the ones I really can’t imagine my life without are the mentors. The ones who stood by, or led the way, or pointed us in the right direction, not because they had to, but because they wanted to or perhaps because they some potential in us. Who has filled that role for you?
In December I wrote about routine vs ritual and it’s still on my mind. It’s so easy to get into a routine. I have always insisted that I am not a routine person, and have been guilty of outwardly regarding routine with disdain. Routine is boring, right??
Recently I was driving across southern BC, heading out on a 10 day working holiday in Rossland. I left Vancouver with the intention of driving about halfway there so that I could take my time and stop for a hike in the snow with Bodhi. I’ve done this particular trip many times, too many for me to remember. What I do know is where I stop for gas, what geographic features I use to mark my progress, where I get coffee, and where I stop to walk Bodhi.
A few weeks back I went to a Japanese tea ceremony at the Nitobe Gardens at UBC. Now I have made a lot of tea in my life (and coffee) but I was truly struck by the whole process and how deliberate and conscious it was. Care was given during each step in the preparation of the tea. There was no rushing, and the women preparing the tea only held one thing in each hand at a time. They were totally focused on what they were doing, in the moment.
It was a pretty normal beginning to my Friday. By 6:30 am I was out the door with the mutts, letting Bodhi walk us around the neighbourhood in the dark, with a light rain falling. He is a curious soul and follows his nose, and we (Finn and I, and usually Julie) follow him. There was a moment about 30 minutes into the walk where I had a sense of foreboding, about nothing in particular. We were just in a dark laneway and intuition reared it’s head. I stayed alert but didn’t change direction...
I’ve wanted to fly a plane since I was about 4 or 5 when I got a ride into the sky in a Cessna with a family friend. I don’t have a lot of clear memories from before the age of 11 but I remember that. The adventure. The mystery of it all. What keeps a plane in the air? What would it be like to be in control and feel like a bird?
Are you suffering from a case of mistaken identity?
“What do you want to be,” they ask? I’ve pondered this question a lot. And at some point I realized that it’s the wrong question. That question often leads us to choose an identity that is deemed ‘worthy’ by whatever society and family we find ourselves growing up in. One that leads to financial security, safety, and demonstrates our sense of responsibility. Or one that follows in a family tradition. And it doesn’t apply to career path, but to any label like husband, wife, friend, or acquaintance just to name a few. The label or identity that we adopt creates a whole set of expectations for how we are ‘supposed’ to show up in a relationship that have little to do with who we really are. Does this feel familiar?
The real question we should be asking is “who am I?”
I’ve been curious about death my whole life. I know that probably sounds morbid to many, but it’s true. Then again, I’m curious about almost everything.
But death is a subject that really tends to kill a party (no pun intended). Our society is, as a general rule, afraid of dying. Maybe it’s our need to control or predict the future. Maybe it’s the unknown of what, if anything, comes next. Maybe it’s both. I don’t have the answers to when or what or why, but I do know that death is part of life.
My life is and always has been about asking questions. Exploring what’s possible. Impossible didn't occur to me when I was young. I was lucky, because not only did that lead me to great adventures and experiences but also into beautiful and powerful relationships. Engaged relationships. Relationships that helped me stay involved, stay curious, and see things through
Here we are, another trip around the sun complete. As cliche as it can feel at times with resolutions and so on, the New Year marks a significant passage of time and an opportunity for us to take stock.
I’ve been thinking about what I want to invite in for 2017, what I want to create/manifest/experience. And the word that keeps coming up is Courage. This poem appeared in my inbox the other day;
I hardly know where to start. Yesterday the people of the United States of America had a chance to choose their next leader. Most of us had opinions, some of them very passionate, about who that should be.
I am not American, and did not have a vote. I care because I know that a leader sets the tone and helps create the energy for the whole team, be it a school, an organization, or a country. To say I was surprised at the result would be a gross understatement. I was utterly gobsmacked and stuck in a perspective that all those people who voted for President-elect Donald Trump were simply wrong.
