It must be a dream, right? How could that possibly be my age?
My heart beats faster just thinking about it. What does that mean? Why does my heart race at the idea that I’m nearing 50? That I’ve been on the planet for nearly 50 years?!? Okay, now it’s beating really fast.
What’s different today? I’m one day older than I was yesterday. The other thing that is different is that I believe I am actually wiser. I’ve been really striving to be more conscious in life, to really savour my choices and be discerning about how I spend my time. Sometimes that’s hard, because I want to be in lots of places with lots of people and yet I know the dangers of spreading myself too thin.
Birthdays are markers of time. And opportunities to celebrate. Perhaps to celebrate what we’ve done, who we’ve become, or maybe just that we are still here, breathing, allowed to experience this life for a while longer.
Last year I wrote a list of 46 things I’d learned. This year the big one is that Trust is Everything. Trust lets love in, trust lets magic happen, trust lets us find what we need and let go of what we don’t need. Trust let me write me a book and ask the world to help me publish it, and now that is going to happen. Trust let me uncover past wounds so I can heal, move on, and be better equipped to do the work I love. Trust let me find love in people and places I never could have imagined. Trust lets me be what I implore others to be…Curious.
This past year has taken me many places, literally and metaphorically, and every place has left a mark on me, every person has left a mark. In the coming year I get to design and lead programs with some brilliant people, I get to spread ideas I believe in, and I get to choose when and how to do that. That’s a huge gift.
It’s harder now to deny my mortality. It’s more important to follow my instincts. It’s important to believe my best years are ahead of me, and at the same time to savour this moment, right here in front of me. Like playing in the kids waterpark when it’s hot even if my clothes get wet because I didn't have a bathing suit with me. Like being bold and telling the people I admire that I have ideas I want to share and collaborate on with them. Like eating lava cake 3 times in one week, just cuz it’s awesome.
Last night I was asked by a group of masters students during a discussion about vocation, what advice I would give my younger self. What came up was be resourceful. Get really curious about what and who you know, what and who they know, and how you can help each other create what you dream of. And Trust the process.
