Dreaming is good, in fact it’s almost an essential part of living, at least to me. And it’s not about not being satisfied with what’s here now, it’s excitement about the possibilities that exist, the idea that life is dynamic and things are constantly changing, whether we want them to or not.
The problem is that there often seems to be this feeing that the time isn’t quite right, that I can’t go for it quite yet, I have to take another class, I have to learn more, I have to save more, I have to be a bit smarter, I have to look better, I have to know more people…and on it goes.
When will I be enough? When will any of us be enough? For me this fear of not being enough is driven by a need to be seen as competent, or even excellent at something before I do it in front of people. Or earn money for it.
Assumptions about how others see us create many limitations in our lives, and carry over into the arena of love too. Being “enough” is closely tied to self worth, and the idea that we are not enough gets in the way of less pragmatic dreams as well, like falling in love. I meet someone and I think “I’m not attractive enough” or “smart enough” or some other ridiculous and unattainable criteria that I habitually judge myself by.
In each case I’m faced with the difficult question: what is “enough”? For me to honestly answer this question I turn to the relationships and other parts of my life that I would deem to be ‘successful’. Was I perfect in those situations? No. Were there/are there things I could have and can do better? Of course. But those relationships and parts of my life are still amazing. Because the story that I have created that I am not enough is only my story. What is it that others see in me, and why don’t I see it?
This was hammered home recently when I received word that someone I had crossed paths with for a brief time over a year ago had invested a large amount of money in my book project. I was floored and kept asking myself “why would they be compelled to do that?”. The answer evaded me, but the lesson is clear: we have impact on people that we have no idea about. In the time that I knew this person I wasn't trying to make anything happen, I was just trying to be me. There was no agenda, in fact at the time the book was barely started. But something about the way I showed up stuck with that person. Imagine all the times that happens that we have no idea about?
The truth is, I am enough, and so are you. Because we are all different, with different circumstances and choices that brought us to this moment. So what if instead of worrying that we are not enough, we just remember that whatever we are, whatever we bring, will have impact. How would that change how you show up?
